The Ides Of March

Today is March 15 – the Ides of March. Julius Caesar was warned to “beware the Ides of March”. Clearly Caesar didn’t heed this warning…he was killed on the Ides of March.

How do I know so much about the Ides of March? Well, I read William Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar in high school.

Hmm, I wonder if kids today still read Julius Caesar in high school. Surely today’s youth must know about Julius Caesar and the Ides of March, right?

I decided to go hang out at the local high school to find out.

Me: Excuse me? Can I talk to you?

Random high school girl (looking down at her phone): Huh? You want to Facebook me?

Me: No. I’d like to talk to you.

Random high school girl: Text me?

Me: No. Talk.

Random high school girl (looks up from her phone): Talk? I don’t understand.

Me: I want to talk to you. I’d like to have a conversation. You know, we’ll take turns speaking to each other. I’ll ask you a question and then you’ll give me an answer.

Random high school girl: Ohhhh, a conversation. Yeah, I had one of those once. OK, I’ll talk. 

Me: Good. I just wanted to tell you to beware the Ides of March.

Random high school girl: The i’s of March? There are no i’s in March. M-A-R-C-H. See, no i’s.

Me: No, not i’s of March. The Ides of March.

Random high school girl: Eyes of March?

Me: No. Ides of March. Beware the Ides of March.

Random high school girl: Beware of Thea DeMarch? Why? Is she a bully? Is she going to beat me up and steal my iPhone?

Me: No, no…

Random high school girl: I better update my Facebook status and warn my friends about her!

Me: Haven’t you heard of Julius Caesar?

Random high school girl: I’ve heard of Caesar salad.

Me: Of course you have. No, I’m talking about Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare.

Random high school girl: William Shake Spears? Is that Britney Spears cousin? OMG, you know Britney’s cousin! Can he get me Britney’s autograph?

Me: No, he can’t.

Random high school girl: Darn!

Me: Hey, remember when Whitney Houston sang, “I believe the children are our future”?

Random high school girl: No.

Me: Of course you don’t. Whitney must have been totally strung out on crack when she sang that. I weep for the future.

Random high school girl: Oh. Do you need a tissue?

Me: No. Nice talking to you.

Random high school girl: Hey, maybe this talking thing will catch on.

Me: Yeah, maybe.

Random high school girl: OK, text ya later! Don’t forget to Friend me!


Beware the Ides of March.

And beware of Thea DeMarch…I hear she’s coming to steal your iPhone.


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