The Pessimist Club

Over the weekend I drove past a Christmas tree lot. Not so unusual – a Christmas tree lot in December is a fairly common sight. It wasn’t the lot itself that caught my attention, but the sign on display in front of the Christmas tree lot that caught my eye.

Optimist Club Christmas Tree Lot 

An optimist club?  How very…well, optimistic!

I kept driving and, lo and behold, there was another Christmas tree lot on the very next block!  The first lot I passed was full of thick, lush and strong trees. The second lot was filled with lots of empty space. And three sad, puny, Charlie Brown Christmas trees.

The sign on display in front of this Christmas tree lot?

Pessimist Club Christmas Tree Lot

OK, I lied. That second lot didn’t exist. Except in my head. Yeah, I made it up. But I couldn’t stop laughing at the thought of a Pessimist Club Christmas tree lot right next to the Optimist Club lot. How funny would that be?  I also started imagining what the Pessimist Club would be like…

And now back to It’s The Pessimist Club, Charlie Brown! on CBS (sponsored by Dolly Madison)

Linus: Charlie Brown? Is that you?

Charlie Brown: Yes, Linus, it’s me.

L: Why are you at the library in this meeting room all by yourself? And why are you sitting in the dark?

CB: The lights went out. They must hate me.  

L: The lights don’t hate you Charlie Brown. They’re probably on a timer.  Why didn’t you turn them back on?

CB: *SIGH* Why bother?

L: (turns the lights back on) Charlie Brown, are you here for a meeting?

CB: Yes. I’ve organized the very first meeting of the Pessimist Club.

L: You formed a club? That’s great, Charlie Brown! What time is your meeting?

CB: 2 hours ago.

L: Oh, so no one is here because your meeting is over?

CB: No, the meeting was supposed to start 2 hours ago. No one showed up.

L: No one?

CB: No one. Oh, except for Peppermint Patty and Marcy. But they weren’t here for the meeting. They kept inviting me to some French place. Menage-a-something.

L: Menage a trois?

CB: Yeah, that was it.  Have you been there?

L: Good grief Charlie Brown! You’re such a blockhead!

CB: Tell me something I don’t know.

L: I can’t believe no one showed up to your meeting. I mean, look at this great sign you made…Pessimist Club meeting. Refreshments will be served. Where are the refreshments, Charlie Brown?

CB: Well, I was going to buy cupcakes, but then I thought, what if I buy vanilla cupcakes and everyone likes chocolate? Then I thought, what if I buy chocolate and everyone likes vanilla? So I decided to buy cookies instead.

L: Where are the cookies?

CB: Well, I was going to buy 2 bags of cookies, but then I thought, what if 2 bags aren’t enough. Then I was going to buy 3 bags, but then I thought, what if 3 bags aren’t enough. Then I was going to buy 4 bags but…

L: CHARLIE BROWN, WHERE ARE THE COOKIES?

CB: Oh. I didn’t buy any.

L: Good grief Charlie Brown!

CB: *SIGH*

L: Charlie Brown, I know I’m just an audience of one, but why don’t you call the first meeting of the Pessimist Club to order?

CB: You mean start the meeting?

L: Yes.

CB: Oh. Um. Well…I didn’t actually plan anything. I figured no one would show up so why bother.

L: Good…

CB: Yeah, yeah, yeah, good grief. I’m a blockhead. I know. I know. (looks at watch) Oh no! I’m late for my appointment with my psychiatrist Lucy.

L: Honestly, Charlie Brown, are you really going to take advice from a psychiatrist who runs her practice out of a glorified lemonade stand? Do you even know where she completed her psychiatric training?

CB: I think she trained in a foreign country. Hey, maybe she trained in that French place…menage-a-something.

L: GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN!

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2 Responses to “The Pessimist Club”

  1. Sherry Says:

    HILARIOUS!! Thanks for the laugh this morning!

  2. froggyprager Says:

    LOL that was funny, nice work LORI


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