Several months ago I shared some of my favorite patient stories. I received a lot of positive feedback from that post and thousands of a few readers wanted me to share more patient stories. I hate to disappoint my readers, but most of my patients haven’t done anything absurd interesting recently. Hard to believe, but true. How am I supposed to share more patient stories when most of my patients aren’t doing anything foolish interesting to share? Well, luckily for my fan club members, most…
Why yes, I do have a fan club. Like David Hasselhoff, I’m huge in Germany. And like David Hasselhoff, I’m drunk right now.
As I was saying, fortunately for my fans, most of my patients have used their common sense, but not all of them.
No common sense = a few more stories to share.
Once again, in the interest of humor privacy, patient names have been changed.
Me: I see you’re here for a head injury. When did your injury occur?
Lance Armstrong: Two days ago.
Me: Two days ago? And you’re just coming to see me now? OK. Tell me what happened.
Lance Armstrong: I fell off my bicycle and hit my head. When I got up I was disoriented, dizzy, nauseous and wanted to vomit.
Me: Did you seek medical attention right after this happened?
Lance Armstrong: No.
Me: No? You hit your head, you were disoriented, dizzy and nauseous, and you didn’t seek medical attention?
Lance Armstrong: No, I just got back on my bicycle, rode 25 miles and then ran 6 miles. I had to finish my triathlon, you know.
My schedule said Britney Spears was here for a refill of her medication.
My nurse’s note said Britney Spears was here for a refill of her medication.
Me: So, tell me why you’re here today.
Britney Spears: I’m here for a refill of my medication.
Me: What medication do you need refilled?
Britney Spears: Oh, I don’t remember the name of it.
Michelle Duggar calls the office and speaks to my nurse.
Michelle Duggar: Can you do a blood pregnancy test in the office?
Nurse: If the doctor thinks it’s necessary we can.
Michelle Duggar: My boyfriend wants me to get a blood test to make sure I’m pregnant.
Nurse: Did you take a home pregnancy test?
Michelle Duggar: Yes. I took six of them.
Michelle Duggar: Yes. They were all positive. I think I might be pregnant.