It’s quiz time! (Yes, I know you didn’t study. No, it won’t count toward your final grade.)
- The Betamax
- Castoroides ohioensis (Also known as the Giant Beaver. Why are you laughing? What’s so funny about a Giant Beaver?)
- Mel Gibson’s career
What do these things have in common?
They’re all extinct.
You know what else is virtually extinct? The bake sale. Ah yes…the bake sale! Cookies, brownies and rice krispie treats sold for less than a dollar. The classic fundraiser for school clubs, teams and the PTA or PTO.
(What’s the deal with PTA vs. PTO? Is it an association? Is it an organization? Did the PTO secede from the PTA because they were sick of being called the Parent-Teacher Ass.? Alas, another one of life’s great mysteries that only Scooby Doo and the gang could solve.)
Schools don’t have bake sales anymore. Instead of a bake sale fundraiser, my son’s school sold wrapping paper. Wrapping paper? Wrapping paper is not chocolatey and delicious! With the increase in food allergies in children, I guess it’s too hard for schools to have bake sales. If they did, all the treats would have to be peanut-free/gluten-free/sugar-free/booger-free. And then they’d be taste-free.
I’m rooting for the bake sale to make a comeback. Normally I hate to am too busy to volunteer for school committees, but I’d definitely hop aboard the bake sale train. Baking cookies is one of my many talents and my cookies would kick ass at a bake sale. I have a super easy old family recipe for making chocolate chip cookies from scratch. Normally I wouldn’t share my top-secret recipe with you because sharing is overrated. But today I’m feeling warm and fuzzy and drunk inside, so I’m going to share my recipe with you. If your kids are fortunate enough to go to a school that still has bake sales you suck, you lucky bastard, I suggest you use my recipe the next time you need to bake something for your bake sale. You’ll be glad you did.
And now, for your baking pleasure, here is my chocolate chip cookie recipe:
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees
- Break along prescored lines and place 2 inches apart on ungreased baking sheet
- Bake for 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown
Your cookies should look like this –
Yeah, that’s right, my super easy family recipe for chocolate cookies made from scratch is the Nestle Toll House cookie recipe. Hey, I never said it was my family recipe, just a family recipe…the Nestle family (and Phoebe Buffay’s family as well). And don’t try to tell me that my cookies aren’t made from scratch. I think you need to review the definition of “scratch”. I don’t know what version of Webster’s dictionary you’re looking at, but in my copy, next to the word “scratch” I wrote it says “packaged cookie dough”.
Peanut-free. E Coli-free (right Nestle?). Booger-free.
The perfect cookie for your next bake sale.