See You In Hell Patrick Warburton!

If you’ve never seen Family Guy, you might think this animated series is an ordinary cartoon. But you’d be wrong. Very very wrong. Family Guy is an adult cartoon. A very very inappropriate adult cartoon. Family Guy is not your kid’s let’s-sit-around-in-our-pajamas-and-watch-Saturday-morning-cartoons cartoon. Oh no. In fact, each episode is prefaced by a warning that Family Guy contains some material that parents would find unsuitable for children under 14 years of age.

And when R was in preschool, Family Guy was his favorite show.

My husband and I watched Family Guy when it started in 2000. Back then we didn’t have kids so we didn’t have to monitor anyone’s television viewing.  Fox canceled Family Guy, but years later had a change of heart and Family Guy returned to the Fox lineup. When Family Guy returned, we had a child and we monitored his television viewing. OK, we were supposed  to monitor his television viewing but may have done a piss poor crappy bad job.

And when R was in preschool, Family Guy was his favorite show.

I never thought much about allowing R to be in the room when Family Guy was on. He would play on the floor with his toys while my husband and I watched Family Guy.  R was engrossed in his cars and trucks and wasn’t paying attention to what was on TV.

Or so I thought… 

R: (laughing) Look, Stewie’s peeing on the curtains!

Me: (also laughing) Yeah, that’s really fun…. (stops laughing) Wait a minute! You’re not supposed to be watching this!

How could this be? I thought R was completely oblivious to the TV.  He always appeared focused on his toys and not the TV. But appearances can be deceiving. Sure, he was focused on his toys but his little ears were focused on the TV. The tyke had mastered the art of multitasking –  he could play with his toys and listen to Family Guy at the same time!  And what he heard must have piqued his curiosity. I figured out that while he was playing with his toys, he was sneaking peaks at the TV’s reflection in the mirror…that’s how he was watching Family Guy

At that point a responsible parent would have forbid their child from watching Family Guy. But responsible parenting is so overrated. So I let my preschooler keep watching Family Guy. And boy did he watch it. He watched it on Fox. He watched it on WGN. He watched the back to back episodes on TBS. Every time R turned on the TV, Family Guy was on. It was like he had some weird Family Guy sixth sense.  He watched it so often that he was able to tell us which episode it was after only watching the first 1 or 2 minutes. Not exactly a talent that will get him in to college, but impressive nonetheless. Watching Family Guy was something we did together as a family. We’d eat dinner, sing a little Kumbaya and watch a little Family Guy.  R watching Family Guy was no big deal – it was harmless. To R, Family Guy was a cartoon.  He missed the adult humor.

Or so I thought…

R: (pointing at the TV) What are those?

[It was Jennifer Love Hewitt in cartoon form and she was drawn with ridiculously oversized breasts. R was pointing at her ginormous breasts.]

Me: Well son, those are her breasts. You see, the writers of Family Guy are implying  that Jennifer Love Hewitt’s celebrity status is not based on her acting skills, but on the size of her breasts.  Those are…..hey, who wants ice cream?

You’d think having my preschooler point out Jennifer Love Hewitt’s giant breasts would convince me that Family Guy was not appropriate for him. But no, I still allowed him watch it. And then one day….

R: Holy crap!

Me: What did you say?

R: Holy crap!

Me: Where did you learn that?

R: From Family Guy. Peter Griffin says it.

Holy crap, my kid was saying “holy crap”! Preschoolers shouldn’t be saying “holy crap” (yeah, yeah, preschoolers shouldn’t be watching Family Guy either…keep reading.) I was pretty sure his preschool had a zero tolerance policy on spewing phrases like “holy crap” and might kick him out for this age inappropriate behavior. As I began to think that maybe watching Family Guy was a bad idea, actor Patrick Warburton made me realize that, yes, watching Family Guy was a bad idea.

Patrick Warburton?

Yes, Patrick Warburton. You may remember him from his role of Puddy on Seinfeld, but in our household he was the voice of Joe the paraplegic police officer on Family Guy.  One day on my drive to work, I was listening to the radio. Patrick Warburton was being interviewed on some radio station. When asked about his role on Family Guy. Patrick Warburton responded, 

“Oh, I’m definitely going to hell for being part of this show!” 

Then he said Family Guy was so outrageous, so vulgar, that he forbid his 12-year-old daughter from watching it.

OK, what’s wrong with this picture – Patrick Warburton didn’t let his 12-year-old watch Family Guy but I let my preschooler watch it. Was I parent of the year or what? Yes I was….worst parent of the year! And if I continued to let my son watch Family Guy, I’d be hanging out with Patrick Warburton in hell. 

So I finally put an end to Family Guy. I told R that he wasn’t allowed to watch Family Guy until he was a teenager. There was no crying, no fighting…he really didn’t care that he couldn’t watch Family Guy. In fact, when R flipped through the channels, if Family Guy was on, he would flip past it and comment that he wasn’t allowed to watch it until he was a teenager.  Our home remained a Family Guy free zone for many years. But now when R flips though the channels, every once in a while he stops on Family Guy and instead of flipping past it, he starts to watch it.

Oh well. Maybe hell isn’t such a bad place. I’m always cold and it’s very warm in hell. And Patrick Warburton seems like a funny guy.

Hey Patrick Warburton, I’ll see you in hell!

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2 Responses to “See You In Hell Patrick Warburton!”

  1. thepeachy1 Says:

    YO ! I would like to introduce myself. I will also be your neighbor in hell, maybe we should make a list of dishes to bring so we can have some snacks. Do you know what Patrick likes? Yeah my 20 and 18 year old had strict bedtime, nutritional rules and tv viewing policies, my 8 yr old hrm, eats ice cream at 2am, and watches everything and what he misses he watches on HULU. So yeah have you heard, the bird is the word, we are going down together sista.

  2. kim.hormonecoloreddays Says:

    I thought that show was over the top obnoxious by season 2 and haven’t watched it since, but that did keep DH fromm buying several season of it on DVD.When my oldest (now 12) was in kindergarten one of his little friends was over and looked over our DVD collection. When the boy said he loved Family Guy, I was like WTF? Who lets their kid watch that?! Now, I have the answer. People like you, LOL.


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