So A Bull Walks Into Crate & Barrel…..

Sometimes the best meal for dinner isn’t really dinner at all – it’s breakfast.  Like the restaurant Denny’s, I am a firm believer that breakfast can be served 24/7.  Yes, give me a big stack of chocolate chip pancakes and I am a happy camper.  But recently we discovered that making pancakes for a family of four had become too time consuming using our small griddle, so we agreed it was time to replace it with a larger griddle. 

The hunt for a new griddle led me to Crate & Barrel.  With my 2.5 year old son in tow, I entered the store.  As we walked through the store, I looked around and realized that we were completely surrounded by glass objects.  I looked at my son and I think he too had noticed the plethora of breakable objects within reach – I swear I saw a twinkle in his eye and an impish grin on his face.  Maybe bringing a 2.5 year old boy to Crate & Barrel was not such a good idea.  At that moment I held his hand a little tighter (if you consider a mighty death grip to be “a little tighter”).  Fortunately, he willingly stayed by my side and I, as well as all of the salespeople, breathed a sigh of relief as we left the store without incident.

When we returned home from our trip to Crate & Barrel I started thinking about the chaos and mass destruction that my son had the potential to cause in a store like Crate & Barrel.   As the popular cliche goes, he would be “like a bull in a china shop”.   Hmm…a bull in a china shop.  I pondered that famous adage and began to wonder what would happen if a bull was let loose in Crate & Barrel?   I couldn’t help but giggle as images of a bull running around Crate & Barrel breaking everything in it’s path filled my head.   To infer that a bull in a china shop would cause devastation would have to be correct, right?  There’s no way that statement could be a myth, could it?   I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night until I knew for sure that if Crate & Barrel tacked a sign on their door stating “No bulls allowed” that it would be justified and not just discrimination against bulls.  But who could answer my deranged  bizarre insightful questions?  Who am I gonna call?  Mythbusters!  Those stooges of science on Discovery Channel’s popular program Mythbusters would be able to prove that the statement about a bull in a china shop is not a myth (if you’ve never seen the show, Mythbusters takes well-known myths and tests them to see if they are truths or myths).   I picked up the phone and called Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman, the hosts of Mythbusters

Adam:  Hello?

Lori:  Hello.  Is this Adam Savage from Mythbusters?

Adam:  Who wants to know?  You’re not that girl scout trying to sell me cookies again, are you?  I told you before, no cookies – they go straight to my hips!

Lori:  No, I’m not a girl scout.  I have myth that I’d like you to test on your show

Adam:  How did you get this number?  You’re not trying to sell me M&Ms to support your basketball team are you?   I told you before, no M&M’s – they go straight to my butt.

Lori:  No, I’m not selling M&Ms.  Is Jamie Hyneman there?  Can I speak to him?

Adam:  Yes, hold on a minute.  Jamie, a Jehovah’s witness is on the phone for you.  Watch out, I think she wants to sell you a magazine subscription.

Jamie:  Hello?

Lori:  Your friend is weird.  I’d like to tell you about an idea I have for your show.  You should prove the old saying “like a bull in a china shop” by having a bull run amok in a china shop to see if it results in significant damage.

Jamie:  Oh, we already did that and that episode should be on today.  And I can’t really talk right now.  I’m testing the myth that pit bulls are mean animals.  Right now I’ve got my whole hand in the mouth of this pit bull and he’s as gentle as can be.

Lori:  Are you sure you should be putting your hand in a pit bull’s mouth?

Jamie:  Oh sure!  He’s harmless.  I bet if I put my hand in his mouth and poke him in the gut with this stick, I’ll prove that pit bulls aren’t mean animals

Lori:  I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Jamie:  I’ll just poke him…….AHHHHHH!! HE’S BITING MY HAND!!! LET GO! LET GO!!  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET GO OF MY HAND YOU MEAN SON OF A BITCH!!!! 

Lori: OK, I’ll just watch the episode.  And I’ll call 911.  Bye.

After my strange phone conversation with the Mythbusters men, I was eager to watch the episode.   I turned on the television and was prepared to have the “bull in a china shop” inference validated.  The mythbusters were also certain that it would be easy to prove.  They constructed a mock china shop complete with plenty of breakables and then let the bulls run free.   What happened next was shocking.  Shocking and hilarious!  Take about 3 minutes to watch and learn……..

http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/66822/detail/   (click this link then click triangle to play)

So the next time you’re at Crate & Barrel and you see a couple of bulls registering for wedding gifts, don’t worry, the glassware is safe from harm.  But if you see my 2.5 year old son in the store, you may want to have a broom and dustpan nearby just in case.

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2 Responses to “So A Bull Walks Into Crate & Barrel…..”

  1. froggyprager Says:

    that is too funny. The only difference between that and a real china shop however is that I think a real china shop would have closer walls so they bull might freak out and break some stuff but very cool.

    I have never watched that show but we just got expanded cable so I will check it out.

    BTW – we also like Brinner (breakfast for dinner) – we had french toast last night! Also, Dana got be a nice big griddle fry pan that I love, I can make 4 pancakes or pieces of french toast at the same time – ta da!

    finally – I heard a story yesterday about a nice female pit bull named tinkerbell.

  2. Jim Brochowski Says:

    Great blog. Completely flawed mythbusting however.

    They didn’t put a bull in a china shop. They built a china shop in the bull’s environment. I’d walk around looking at things and wondering what the heck happened too. That’s all the bulls did. Now, if they put a bull in a real china shop, or even construct a mock china shop “indoors” with the same result – I’ll buy it.


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